Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
