My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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