get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
do herpes really smell.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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