It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
