i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Randomize
