you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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