she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
