That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
