thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
