As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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