No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
