I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
