I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
