masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
