dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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