Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Randomize
