The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
