ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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