I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
