Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
