i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Randomize
