have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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