Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
