Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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