I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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