all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
