My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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