I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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