I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
