When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Randomize
