she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
