apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
The best revenge is premature balding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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