Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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