Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
