Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
