You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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