honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
