I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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