I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
