I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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