Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
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It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
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Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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