I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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