did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
