I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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