Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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