Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
