Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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