Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
17 year olds will be the death of me.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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