oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
