Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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