she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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