just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
