If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
