I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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