Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
