Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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