I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize