just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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