Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
what the fuck happened to the tacos
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
