at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
