Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
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By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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