you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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