Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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