Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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