if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
My butt remains clenched, sir.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
